ÿþ<HTML> <HEAD> <TITLE>Lotus in the fire</TITLE> <LINK REL="stylesheet" TYPE="text/css" HREF="../../style_2.css"> </HEAD> <BODY BACKGROUND="laub2.jpg" TEXT="#776666" LINK="#999999" ALINK="#999999" VLINK="#999999"> <DIV CLASS="type4"> <center> <br> <table cellpadding="3" cellspacing="0" border="1" bordercolor="ffd3cc" bgcolor="ffeedd" width="82%"> <TR><TH> <TABLE BORDER="0"> <TR BGCOLOR="fff9f3"> <TD ROWSPAN="2"><center> <FONT size="+3" color="ddbbb7"><b>Lotus in the fire</b></font> <br> <FONT CLASS="type3" color="eeddd9"><b> Learn to take the backward step that turns the light and shines it inwards. </b></font> <br> <FONT CLASS="type2_2" color="ddccc3"><b>October, November & December 2006</b></FONT> </center></FONT> <center> <a href="eng-0307.html" target="main_f"><FONT color="#eeccbb">[prev]</FONT></a> <a href="../2007/eng-0301.html" target="main_f"><FONT color="#ddaabb">[next] </FONT></a> </center> </TD> </TR> </TABLE> </TH></TR></table> <br> <br> <table cellpadding="15" cellspacing="0" border="1" bordercolor="aa9988" bgcolor="ffffff"> <tr><th bgcolor="#776655"><center> <FONT SIZE="7" color="#ffddbb"> My first encounter with Buddhism</FONT><br> <FONT SIZE="5" color="#ddbb99">Eleven years since Aum (Part 11)</font> <br> <IMG SRC="gakufu.jpg" width="396" height="298" border="1"> <br> <FONT color="#ffccaa"> Myself as a 16 year old school kid </font> </TH></TR> <td bgcolor="#eeddcc"> I started to write this series about the Aum cult and present day Japanese Buddhism last year. My aim is not so much to investigate the cult itself or the implications of the Salin attack for Japanese society in general, but rather to ask what role Buddhism plays today in Japanese society, and what role it wants to play. If the aim of Japanese Buddhism lies in the salvation of suffering beings, then it can not be indifferent to the Salin incident that happened 11 years ago. Did Japanese Buddhism use the chance to reflect on its role and address the issues that were posed by the incident?<br><br> We saw that the Rinzai sect understood the problem as their "own problem". The structure of the school and the lack of practice in the temples was blamed for the fact that young Japanese did not look for the answers to their live's questions in Rinzai Zen temples. Still, there were not much concrete suggestions made for improvements or changes inside the existing structure of the school. Later, I will also invest the standpoint of the Soto school concerning the Aum incident. But before that, I want to think about Buddhism itself. The young people who entered the Aum cult were looking for the Buddha's teaching, truth, liberation. Why didn't they knock on the door of a Rinzai or Soto or any other Buddhist temple in Japan?<br><br> Before I try to answer to this question, I want to describe first how I myself came into contact with Zen in Germany as a 16 year old, later shaved my head, made my way to Japan and ended up becoming the abbot of Antaiji.<br><br> The first time I encountered the problem of life and death was when my mother died. I was seven at the time, my mother was 37. I still remember clearly how she showed me and my two younger sisters the scars on her body, after her two breasts had been removed. She had been a doctor, and probably she did not want to hide the cruel facts of life and death from her kids. The operation had come too late, she died from cancer weeks later. It was during the summer holidays, and I think I was less upset about the news of her death, than about the words: "You are too small to attend the funeral!"<br><br> Until my mother died, I lived in the house of my grand father, who was a protestant minister. We lived just beside the church. Still, as a kid I never felt welcome in the church. It was a place for "big" people, not "small ones" like us. And when I asked where God is, how he looked liked and why we could not talk with him directly, the answer would usually just be: "You are still too small to understand. You'll know when you get bigger!" But even the grown ups didn't seem to know, and I felt fooled, just like with Santa Claus.<br><br> I spend a lot of time by myself after my mother died. Sitting alone in my room, I wound up thinking: "What is it that everyone is living for in the first place? Why do people study and get a job and have a family, if they have to die and leave this world empty handed anyway? Is there any meaning to it?" Or I would finally think: "Where is it that all these thoughts come from? Who is thinking? Is it 'me'? But who is this 'me'?" Questions that are quite familiar to any philosopher, but to me they came as a surprise.<br><br> When I asked my father about them, he would tell me to ask the teachers at school. The teachers would recommend that I wait until high school or at least junior high school. Again I was told that I was still too small to understand. But did they really understand? At least I didn't think so. Of course I didn't expect any answers in the church. But thinking about the questions in my own head, I didn't come up with any solutions either. I was clueless.<br><br> I build a wall around myself and spent my whole youth depressed, living inside my head. A change occured when I entered a boarding school when I was 16. There I encountered zazen by chance. But about that encounter next time. </div> <div align="right"> <b>(to be continued ... Muho)</b> </div> </td><TR><TH BGCOLOR="ccbbaa"> <br> <IMG SRC="yagi.jpg" width="192" height="221" border="1"> </TH></TR></table> <br><br> <table cellpadding="20" cellspacing="0" border="1" bordercolor="999999" bgcolor="ffffff" width="92%"> <TR><TH BGCOLOR="bfbbbb"> <img src="ds.jpg" width="354" height="329" border="1"><br><br><h1> Meine Ordination zum Zenm&ouml;nch</h> </TH></TR> <td bgcolor="#fbf9f9"> Am 17.06.06 war Jikais (Bev) und meine (Marcus/Daishin) Ordination zur Nonne bzw. M&ouml;nch. Die Zeremonie war nicht so kompliziert, da wir unserem Headmonk Daido nur folgen mussten und daher genau wussten, wo und wann wir uns zu verbeugen hatten und was wir rezitieren mussten. <br><br> Docho &uuml;bergab uns Koromo, O-Kesa, Oryoki, Zagu, Patriarchen-Linie, Raksu und schnitt uns noch den letzten Fitzel Haare ab, nach ca. 1 Stunde waren wir ordiniert. <br><br> Jikishin war an diesem Tag Tenzo und er hat was Leckeres gekocht. Es gab reichlich Bier und Sake, der Abend endete mit Blues von Zuigetsu und Daido am Lagerfeuer, begleitet von Michael auf der Gitarre, Improvisation vom Feinsten. Dieser Tag alleine w&auml;re schon Grund genug, sich ordinieren zu lassen. <br><br> Oft wird die Frage gestellt warum M&ouml;nch, wie lebst du als M&ouml;nch und den Geboten und was &auml;ndert sich in deinem Leben? Ja warum M&ouml;nch werden, warum nicht einfach Zen ohne Ordination &uuml;ben? <br><br> F&uuml;r mich gab es zwei Basis Punkte bei meiner Entscheidung. Zum einen bedeutet mir die Ordination einen Schritt weiter auf dem Zen-Weg, vielleicht ein bisschen so, als wenn mann jahrelang irgendwo arbeitet und sich dann entschlie&szlig;t diesen Beruf zu erlernen. Den Schritt weiter zu gehen ist auch ein Ergebnis, das ich nicht mehr so mit mir selbst besch&auml;ftigt bin und dadurch offener geworden bin f&uuml;r das, was um mich herum geschieht und dass Zen f&uuml;r den Rest meines Lebens Richtlinie bleibt. <br><br> Zum anderem habe ich mit meiner Freundin und ein paar Leuten die Idee ein Zen-Restaurant zu er&ouml;ffnen und ich denke, dass es n&uuml;tzlich ist, bei diesem Projekt M&ouml;nch zu sein, um die Form selbst zu verinnerlichen und mit anderen zu &uuml;ben. Die Entscheidung, mich im Antaiji und von Docho ordinieren zu lassen, entstand aus den Erfahrungen, die ich in dem dreiviertel Jahr hier machte. <br><br> In erster Linie &uuml;berzeugt mich hier, das man f&uuml;r sich selbst verantwortlch ist und dass das auch tats&auml;chlch 24 Std. ge&uuml;bt wird. Niemand zwingt einem zu etwas, doch wenn man sich f&uuml;r Antaiji entscheidet, entscheidet man sich, so zu leben wir hier ge&uuml;bt wird und nicht so wie ich gerne lebe. Diese Tatsache, dass es sich nicht nur um mich dreht, ist oft schon Ausl&ouml;ser f&uuml;r die ein oder andere Krise. Zazen, wie es im Antaiji ge&uuml;bt wird, ist ein anderer Punkt, der mich hier &uuml;berzeugt. Shikantaza, nur sitzen, man ist sich selbst &uuml;berlassen, alles was w&auml;hrend Zazen in einem passiert habe ich selbst mitgebracht. Niemand zwingt einen, es gibt keinen Jikido der einem mit dem Kaisaku verpr&uuml;gelt und auf dem ich meinen Hass projezieren kann, auch kann der Jikido einen nicht l&auml;nger sitzen lassen, da eine Uhr jede Stunde die Sitzzeiten reguliert, und es gibt kein Dokusan und Teissho w&auml;hrend Sesshin, womit man sich ablenken kann. Unsui bedeutet als hausloser M&ouml;nch frei wie Wolke und Regen durch die Berge zu ziehen. Meine Interpretation ist, das Gedanken wie Wolken erscheinen und vergehen und dass das Leben wie Wasser in einem Fluss fliesst und nie stehen bleibt. <br><br> Ich glaube man sollte genau so wenig an Ort und Zeit gebunden sein wie an seinen Gedanken h&auml;ngen, weil ich denke, das wir letzlich nur an unseren Gedanken leiden, deswegen kann ich hin gehen wohin ich will, ich nehme mich &uuml;berall mit hin. Hier im Antaiji lernt man im t&auml;glichem Leben nur auf seine eigenen Fehler zu schauen und man stolppert kontinuierlich &uuml;ber seine Misthaufen. Was die Gebote angeht, kann man sie nicht mit den zehn Geboten im Christentum vergleichen, man sollte die Gebote leben, wie genau, das weiss ich im Moment auch nicht immer. Auf jeden Fall sollte sie von innen verwirklicht werden und nicht als Pflicht&uuml;bung angesehen werden. Es geht immer um einen selbst, deswegen ist es paradox wenn ich mich nur fromm benehme wenn jemand in der N&auml;he ist. Was hat sich bisher f&uuml;r mich ver&auml;ndert? <br><br> Vielleicht f&uuml;hle ich mich mehr verantwortlich f&uuml;r andere und bin etwas wacher in Bezug auf Form und bei Samu (Arbeit). Ansonsten ist die Verbundenheit mit den anderen Unsui enger, irgendwie sp&uuml;rt man das man in einem Boot sitzt <br><br> Zum Schluss m&ouml;chte ich noch sagen, dass ich wirklich froh bin, diesen Weg gefunden zu haben. Es ist nicht immer einfach, aber ich w&uuml;sste nicht, wie ich sonst leben sollte und ich danke auch Docho f&uuml;r seine Kraft die er uns und allen, die ins Antaiji kommen, zur Verf&uuml;gung stellt. </div> <div align="right"> <b>(Daishin)</b> </div> </td> </table> <br><br> <table cellpadding="20" cellspacing="0" border="1" bordercolor="aa8899" bgcolor="ffffff"> <TR><TH BGCOLOR="b3a3aa"> <IMG SRC="Photo01.jpg" width="350" height="263" border="1"><br><br> <FONT SIZE="3"> Letter from a Novice Monk  Part 4 </FONT><br> <FONT SIZE="6" color="ffeef3">Like you would do for one you love</font> </TH></TR> <td bgcolor="#d3c3cc"> In my previous letter,  Just do the best you can , I tried to look at the matter of Right Action, the behavioural aspect of the Eightfold Path. Today I have a simple story which in one way or another relates to Right View, or the wisdom aspect. Dharma gateways are countless. The Buddha s teachings and teachers seem to be wherever we are: Here and now, on a zafu, and in all kinds of unlikely places. <br><br> An example of this came to me recently. The soles of my shoes had holes in them and needed replacing. So I went to a shoe repair shop. Actually, it was not really a shop so much as a tiny room behind an old brick wall. An open window served as a makeshift shopfront. Next to it was a small sign that read:  Cohen the Cobbler . Sitting at a bench inside the tiny room was an old man amidst countless pairs of shoes and cobblers paraphernalia. <br><br> Only two steps to the right of Cohen s window was a bright red door. It was not the door to Cohen s shop, however, but to a sex shop and perhaps a massage parlour. The shared brick wall had a large  XXX painted on it in bright red letters. There were no pedestrians on the sidewalk, but a continuous flow of passing cars and trucks on the road. <br><br> Standing at Cohen s window, I took off my shoes and handed them to Cohen. Due to the loud traffic noise, there was a choice between shouting to communicate or not speaking at all. Cohen smiled and shouted:  If you need them fixed while you wait, I can do it in twenty minutes. I nodded and smiled at Cohen. Through the window he then handed me a mat and pointed to my feet. <br><br> I stepped on the mat, and turned around towards the road and the traffic. As I stood there, different thoughts came and went, including that most of the passing drivers no doubt saw me as just loitering around the sex shop. It also occurred to me that the two businesses, sex and shoe repairs, were possibly one integrated operation anyway: Clients of the sex shop being accustomed to leaving their shoes with Cohen, and those waiting to have their shoes fixed being expected to pass the time behind the red door? Life itself as one operation. <br><br> After a while, my mind returned to my just standing there on the mat. Remembering my shoes, I turned around, and through the window could see Cohen preparing to fit the new soles. Next I heard myself say to him in a voice that seemed more whining than the traffic:  Could you please use r-e-a-l-l-y tough soles to last for a long, long time &  Cohen turned his head, smiled at me, and said:  Your shoes, you and I  nothing lasts . With that he returned to what he was doing. The red door swung open, and Shen-hsiu and Hui-neng, coming and going, bumped each other s heads: <br><br><i> The body is the Bodhi tree<br> The Bodhi is not a tree<br> Your body like a searchlight<br> My poverty revealed<br> <br><br> The mind is like a clear mirror standing<br> The clear mirror is nowhere standing<br> I stand in ruins behind you<br> With your broken sandal strap<br> <br><br> Take care and wipe it all the time<br> Fundamentally not one thing exists<br> Oh take this longing from my tongue<br> All the useless things my hands have done<br> <br><br> Allow no grain of dust to cling<br> Where then is the dust of grain to cling?<br> Let me see your beauty broken down<br> Like you would do for one you love </i> </div> <div align="right"> <b>(Gassho, Seikan)</b> </div> </td> <TR> <TH BGCOLOR="999999"> <img src="Photo02.jpg" width="350" height="263" border="1"><br><br>XXX </th> </TR> </table> <br><br> <table cellpadding="20" cellspacing="0" border="1" bordercolor="997766" bgcolor="ffffff"> <TR><TH BGCOLOR="ddbbaa"> <IMG SRC="zuigetsu.jpg" width="333" height="358" border="1"><br><br><h1> On becoming monk at Antaiji</h> </TH></TR> <td bgcolor="#f3d3c3"> Since I have started practice of zazen over 20 years ago I wanted to become buddhist monk. But somehow through all these years my karma wasn't ripe to do so. Or maybe on deeper level I wasn't ready for this committment. This year at last I was able to fulfill my yearning for buddhist priesthood. <br><br> Of course the first question asked by anybody would be but why and what for you would like to become ordained. The answer is not an easy one. On deeper level my answer would be I don't know. This was just the thing I had to do. Some kind of inner pull... But trying to explain this in words the most reasonable answer which comes to my mind is: that I always wanted to fully engage in the practice of Zen. Becoming Zen monk  the person who is totally committed to Zen practice  is for me natural expression of this committment. <br><br> Docho said that it is up to me what I do out of this ordination. I trust it will be something meaningful...<br><br> But at this moment it just feels good TO BE a buddhist monk. </div> <div align="right"> <b>(Doko)</b> </div> </td> </table> <br><br> <table cellpadding="20" cellspacing="0" border="1" bordercolor="666677" bgcolor="ffffff"> <TR><TH BGCOLOR="b3c3d3"> <IMG SRC="doko.jpg" width="343" height="319" border="1"><br><br><h1> On becoming monk at Antaiji</h> </TH></TR> <td bgcolor="#c3d3e3"> Since I have started practice of zazen over 20 years ago I wanted to become buddhist monk. But somehow through all these years my karma wasn't ripe to do so. Or maybe on deeper level I wasn't ready for this committment. This year at last I was able to fulfill my yearning for buddhist priesthood. <br><br> Of course the first question asked by anybody would be but why and what for you would like to become ordained. The answer is not an easy one. On deeper level my answer would be I don't know. This was just the thing I had to do. Some kind of inner pull... But trying to explain this in words the most reasonable answer which comes to my mind is: that I always wanted to fully engage in the practice of Zen. Becoming Zen monk  the person who is totally committed to Zen practice  is for me natural expression of this committment. <br><br> Docho said that it is up to me what I do out of this ordination. I trust it will be something meaningful...<br><br> But at this moment it just feels good TO BE a buddhist monk. </div> <div align="right"> <b>(Doko)</b> </div> </td> </table> <br> <center> <a href="eng-0307.html" target="main_f"><FONT color="#aa2200">[prev]</FONT></a> <a href="../2007/eng-0301.html" target="main_f"><FONT color="#cc3300">[next] </FONT></a> </center> </DIV> </BODY> </HTML>