Blazej (Poland, 29yo)

I must say that what spoke to me most clearly was samu and other duties held by sangha. Looking at my everyday efforts to cooperate with community - I felt like checking some strange sport or hospital chart, where all ups and downs of body temperature, blood pressure and other things are marked. I could have started a day very upset and angry - and end it quite happy. And vice versa.

What was it? What made my emotions and mood change so quickly? Was it me that was changing?

A typical but bit worthless questions, although good experience.

Now I think samu (and all duties in general) is the best indicator and tip for "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?" big question, huh. Best answer.

In zazen you can somehow hide and pass by. While during cooperation in the field or in the kitchen this cannot be done. How will you cheat if you're a tenzo? How will you hide in some unproductive moves?

Now I say to myself - put your seeds into soil carefully.

During my stay I received a message from a Polish nun, who is participating in a volunteer Zen in Prison movement. She asked me to write a letter to jailed sangha (eg. one of those guys being a murderer).

Until her letter I didn't realize that such a simple thing like "few sentences" can actually be important to other people. I didn't think they exist and I can/should communicate with them.

I didn't write a single sentence about so called Buddhism. I explained how days and work is scheduled, what are my deeds and efforts, what we eat and what we plant. Where I am to bow and where not. And overall - why. How all of it is linked.

Later I received "thank you" message.

So - thank you, Antaiji community.